Thursday, September 23, 2010

Well hello Nerd-Rage

Some fuckin people...  You have to love the internet sometimes, cause if it wasn't for it, you would never see shit like this.  Thanks, Kotaku, for making it all possible.

Resident Evil was an ambitious game.  A cinematic experience as much as it was a game, and it was a good game, but it had its flaws.  Voice acting was still pretty new in video games.  Hell, voices in video games was still pretty new.  As far as consoles were concerned, at any rate.

So, 2 years after the Playstation released, here comes Resident Evil, in all its survival horror goodness.  A lot of people like to say it kicked off the genre, and a lot more say those people are retarded, because computer games had similar concepts years prior.  Whatever, let the nerds rage it out.

Like I said, Resident Evil was ambitious.  It had no contemporaries to set a precedent, so it was taking bold steps in advancing story telling and developing living characters in games.  Its only natural it wouldn't be that great.  And as a result, the acting was shit.  Ehh, get over it.

Now, this nerd rage comes from 2 different fronts.  Not only do you get the nerd rage of the fanboys who say that the Resident Evil movies are shit, you also get nerd rage from the same fanboys who say the Milla Jovovich destroyed Resident Evil, and is now sullying its good name even further by showcasing her acting talent (or lack thereof as far as they are concerned) and further ruining some already horribad lines.

Its a nerd rage shit storm, and its fantastic. 

The funny thing about the nerd rage from the people who say that the movies ruined the series is that they don't want to admit how much the series ruined itself. 

Quick back story for anyone who has no idea what the shit is going on in Resident Evil:  in the original game, you are part of a police squad known as S.T.A.R.S.  You are sent to investigate some missing persons reports, and as you approach to location, the helicopter you are all traveling in is shot down, and you all meet up in this old mansion, which turns out to be a cover for this research laboratory where this company was doing experiments on something called the T-virus, which was supposed to beef up soldiers and make super soldiers.  Turns out, it killed anyone who was infected with it, and reanimated them as zombies.

You then find out there there was more, and they made all these different biological weapons and mutations of humans and shit went crazy and everyone working at the research lab was killed.    It becomes a matter of trying to survive until a rescue helicopter arrives to fly you away to safety.

In the second game, you play as 2 different characters, one is the sister of one of the characters in the original game, the other is a new cop on the police force of the town the first game made mention of.  The new cop is looking to figure out what happened to the member of the S.T.A.R.S. team, and the sister is trying to find her brother.  The T-virus infection spread, and the whole town is deserted or zombified.  You find out that the entire town is involved in the research that took place at the mansion, which is how the infection spread and got as bad as it did.  There is no resolution for either of the characters in this game.  Which is something not a lot of people will admit.

Continuing to the third game, you play as the character Jill from the original game, and it takes place something like, 24 hours after the events of the first game, and you are trying to escape the city, but this big cocksucker named nemesis is hunting you, and ONLY YOU the whole time.  Its fucking retarded, he has a rocket launcher grafted into his arm and he never fucking runs out of rockets, and some how this is more acceptable than anything that happened in any of the movies.  Whatever, its a video game, stranger shit has happened.

Anyway, you are trying to escape the town, and the army is sent in to try to cover up what happened, and in this game you realize that the Umbrella Corporation is this huge company and has its own military force and shit, and they are planning to bomb the city to destroy any evidence of what happened, so in this game you have to escape before that happens.  And how is this facilitated?  one of the dudes sent in to kill you gets a boner for you and decides to help you.  If you beat the game, you get to play through it as a giant fucking block of tofu.  Or you can unlock a picture of Jill in a bikini.

At this point, there were a couple of spinoffs, and a prequel that came out on Nintendo 64 I think.  But the main thing is that this game called Code Veronica comes out.  A lot of people forget that this game exists, but funnily enough, its one of the best Resident Evil games that was produced. 

The story of Code Veronica continues with the story of Claire, who is Chris's sister, and was one of the characters in Resident Evil 2.  She is searching for Chris, still, who no one has absolutely any idea what happened to him.


That's a good question.  In the first game, this prick named Wesker was going to use him for experiments, so he locked his ass up in this chamber, and you can either save him at the end of the game, or let his ass get caught in this big ass explosion as you escape the mansion.  So, again, how he goes missing is a complete fucking mystery no matter how you look at the series.  either he should have been present in Resident Evil 3, cause you saved him, or he should be dead and gone completely because his ass got exploded.

Neither of these are the case though.  What happens instead?

Who the fuck knows.  In Code veronica, you infiltrate this Umbrella run island prison in the hopes of finding him, but he is nowhere to be located.  Instead you meet this dude named Steve or something like that, who was arrested for some reason, I can't remember, and you find out this island prison is used by Umbrella as a giant research lab, and everyone that is a "prisoner" is really a test subject.  Steve gets a boner for you after trying to kill you with a chain gun turret, and decides to help you, but eventually you have to kill him cause he turns into a zombie.  And then you get on a plane and fly to Antarctica.

While there, you find out the "origin" of the T-virus, and the various stages it went through, and that Wesker is a Dark Jedi ninja.  And you find out that the T-virus started by this old english dude who was trying to do something to his daughter, I can't remember what exactly, but he basically gave her all these crazy abilities like pyrokinesis, and telekinesis, and a couple of other things.  You kill her with this bad ass sniper rifle by shooting her in the heart.

Chris heads to Antarctica, too, and you find out he was on some lone ranger type mission to take down Umbrella. 

Now, Resident Evil 4 and 5 I never played, but from what I have learned from my friends, Its basically just more of the same shit.  Umbrella is a big bad company, and they are still trying to see what they can do with the T-virus, but instead of making just zombies, they make gigantic mutant retards and latin americans and africans infected with something that doesn't quite make them zombies, but doesn't quite not make them zombies.  In Resident evil 4, you play as Leon, who was the rookie cop in Resident Evil 2, and he is trying to find the President's kidnapped daughter or something like that, and he walks into a village overrun by Umbrealla creations.  In Resident Evil 5 you play as Chris, and he is still on the hunt against Umbrella and Wesker.

So, taking all that in stride, who the fuck are any of the naysayers about the movie to say that the movies ruined their beloved franchise, when the movies at least have a coherent and continuing plot, that actually does, as much as they do not want to admit, interconnect with the plot of the games?

Looking back at the first Resident Evil film, the story focuses on Alice and her "husband," who were Umbrella operatives who were supposed to be basically security for the Umbrella research center located beneath their mansion.  Both of these things interconnect quite well with the Original game.  they just show from a time and perspective different from the first game. 

The second movie can directly be placed as coinciding with the second and third games.  It runs parallel to the third game, and happens before everything else in the second game.

The third movie can be placed between the second game and the fourth game.  Again, different characters and locations in the same universe.

The fourth movie can be placed before the 5th game.

So, I don't see what all the god damn nerd rage is about.  are they just mad because Jill valentine is hot and has bigger titties than Alice?  Are they made because what they played and watched in the video games is not what they are watching in the theatres?

Personally, I think the movies better flesh out the Resident evil universe.  They give it more character, and really show what is happening on a larger scale rather than just what is shown in the video games.  But alas, nerd rage is nerd rage, and as is the case with most normal rage, it is based on ignorance and unwillingness to accept logic outside your own.

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