Friday, July 1, 2011

New computer, New games

So, I've been having a lot of bad luck with my computers lately.  My main one is about as useful as a limp dick, and my netbook was the victim of an anger outburst.  All the same, I'm back up.  And kind of back up on horribad games.  Today we have L.A. Noire and Mortal Kombat.

Ima talk about Mortal Kombat first, because it is fun, and aggravating as hell.  If you've every played the older games (MK 1 and 2 mainly), then you will have a pretty good idea of what to expect from this one.

What I mean by this, rather than having a smarter AI, the developers went straight back to the 90s and said "hey, this worked, lets do it again!," and copied the formula to a T and instead made the game increasingly more difficult by making the enemies repeat predictable patterns of moves that you have to find the spot to exploit them to win.  Which is something I hate, because to me, it is less mentally challenging.  But I suppose finding the pattern is mentally challenging.  Whatever.

I like the game though.  Because it has been a long time since I've had a game that I can sit down with on the couch with my brother, and just have fun with.  It is exactly like the old games.  None of that dumb 30 hit combo, or 90% health combo bullshit they introduced later in the series.  Just button mashing "STOP FUCKING SWEEPING!!" fun like the old Mortal Kombat games.

L.A. Noire, on the other hand...

It's the Avatar of video games.  The story is horrible.  Barely coherent, barely interconnected.  But the technology in the game is amazing.

I'm sure most of the people who will be reading this will have already read a review of the game elsewhere, but I'm just going to reiterate this:  The game is a graphic text adveture.  But honestly, it might be better to call it a graphic novel.  So the game is basically a comic book

The game reaches the same conclusion regardless of your actions in the game.  Sure, you may fail a case a time or two, and you will have to restart it, but that just turns the game into something akin to Dragon's Lair, or Space Ace, or that game that had that character Fritz in it.  Its trial and error dialog with some bare bones, stupidly easy gunfights interspersed.

Pretty much your standard Bioware game.  Figure out how to fuck the chick, forget the rest of the game.

Anyway, I really hated this game, because it was apparent less than 10% of the way through that the game is completely scripted, and trying to deviate from the scripted events will just irritate the fuck out of you, and you will be irritated regardless because the game will keep telling you to do things it knows that you know that it knows wont work.

Example?  Nearly every car chase in the game has a scripted ending, and your partner will be riding with you talking about "Get closer so I can shoot their tires!", but no matter what you do, they will get away until the scripted ending occurs.  So its 5 minutes of some asshole screaming in your ear until the dumbasses you are chasing crash into a concrete retaining wall 15 miles away.

There was one time I was chasing a car and I crashed into the side of it, and the car flew 30 feet into the air like a god damn UFO, and followed the path that was scripted for it while doing so.

Then, you do all these cases and you round up all these suspects, and the whole time the city is like "oh my gaaaaawd he so haaaandsum!!!  Solvin all those caaaaayses!!!"

And then you find out literally every case you work on, you have the completely wrong people, and no matter how much evidence you find to prove one thing or another, it will UNDOUBTEDLY end up with you having the completely wrong person, so you never find out who is really committing what crimes, and why.

And then you start banging some random german bitch that you somehow know from your past but its not important to explain how you know her and then you fuck her in an alley way and then you drown in a runoff aqueduct in a rainstorm.

But the facial technology is amazing.

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